


358-77-4219

by tisapear



Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII (Video Game 1997)
Genre: M/M, Not Advent Children (Compilation of FFVII) Compliant, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-17
Updated: 2020-08-17
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:54:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,832
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25952506
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tisapear/pseuds/tisapear
Summary: you're not real.
Relationships: Zack Fair/Cloud Strife
Comments: 4
Kudos: 44





	358-77-4219

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by a doujin

you're not real.

you're not real.

_you're not real._

you're not.

you.

are.

not.

real.

"Probably not." Thoughtful hum. "Interesting question though! Can ghosts be considered _real?_ On a physical level? Can't exactly do much except fling around some objects and talk to the living, if we're lucky, so I doubt I'll have to pay taxes anytime soon. Huh. Hey, Cloud? Hey, do you think I'll have to pay taxes if anyone besides you catches sight of me? Are taxes even still a _thing?_ I know Shinra's still around, but maybe Rufus had a change of heart on the whole capitalism thing. Doubt it, but a man can hope, right? Uh. Ghost. Ghostman? Manghost? Man, lamest superhero name ever."

Pillow pressed over his ears and he can still hear him. No use at all, the words sound like they're directly whispered into his ear. If he concentrates hard enough, he can even feel soft breath tickle his ear. It's disconcerting. 

"—could be like my sidekick! You know, the one that always helps me out after I get myself captured by the bad guys, which, honestly, would probably happen every episode, knowing me. But can you imagine, you'd look _so_ cool, standing there with the Buster raised, ready to kick some serious ass." Pause. Silence. Blessing in disguise, though—Cloud can taste the smug aura in the air. "Damn hot, too, I bet. Looking all determined to get your Prince Charming back. Probably would have red cheeks too, from all the crying you do whenever you find out they got me agai—ack! Damn it, Cloud, you know that doesn't work!" Pillow no longer shielding his view, he can see Zack rubbing at his stomach, translucent fingers moving in clumsy circles, pillow now on the floor behind him. 

"Feels damn uncomfortable, though. One would think you'd be nicer to the love of your life, but nooo! Of course you have to be a stormy little rain cloud. Heh, get it, because your name—"

He presses his eyes closed, hard enough that he sees colorful flickers come to life. Better than that damn hallucination, at least. 

Even now he struggles with his memories; what's real, what's not, what he's missing. 

What won't leave him. 

And yet, and yet that, that _fake_ , that mirage his fucked-up mind has conjured up, is a carbon copy. How, he wonders. Can smell the standard issued Shinra shampoo Zack used when he can't even remember the smell itself. How, he wonders. Is able to make out his voice, perfectly clear, every infliction, every hitch, when he still can't recall most things he used to whisper. 

Cruel. His mind is a dark, cruel place, worst prison guard in existence. Only lets his memories out in the dark of the night, monsters' favorite playground. Can't hide under the sunlight, behind Tifa's encouraging smiles, behind Marlene's delighted laughter. Reality's a dedicated fighter, but it can only provide protection for so long. 

Sun-powered, should have a backup for emergencies, he thinks, and he can't tell if it's him or memory-Zack.

"Ah, I'm sorry." For what? 

Touch at his cheek, feather-soft. Angel wings. _Did you ever get them,_ he wants to ask, need burning his tongue; to see Zack's surprised face turn giddy when he realizes Cloud _remembers_ , remembers something so silly. But there's no telling what he'll find once he opens his eyes. 

Touch usually indicates his personal wake-up call. Both figuratively and literally. 

The sweetest torture, really; can't stand his mind playing cruel tricks on him, but it's even crueler when it inevitably takes them away. 

Because the thing is: He can pretend. For just one second, every time, just one out of thousands, he can pretend—laughter in a tiny apartment, two bodies in one bed. Warm touches, heartfelt declarations. _Love_ , that's it, it used to be love. Made his heart hot and fierce; leaves him numb and cold, now, frozen in time.

Seems so long ago, since he last felt that butterfly-flutter under his skin. 

"Don't do that, sunshine. Don't go where I can't follow."

_Lips against his hair, arms around his middle. Soft strands kissing his cheek, muffled laughter in his ear. "Lost in thought, Cloudy Sky? You can't do that, I can't come there with you."_

Teasing, always just teasing. Making him smile, making him laugh, making him feel like all his struggles were actually worth something. 

Tears well up in his eyes and he can't even blink them away. Would have to open his eyes for that, and that's not a risk he deems worth taking. 

"You're the one who left," voice cracks, last e caught in a sob, f all swallowed up, too much force on the t. So embarrassing. 

He's sobbing now, trembling little huffs of air escaping his lips. Wet lips, slick with despair, sorrow tumbling out of his mouth—

Something in his mouth. 

Bewilderment makes him blink at last, eyes finally open. 

Zack's still there. 

Zack's still there, and he just shoved something into Cloud's mouth. 

Tastes stale, warm on his tongue, cool against the roof of his mouth. He looks again and there's a chain extending from Zack, caught around his neck and leading to Cloud. 

Dog tag. That's Zack's dog tag in his mouth. 

Rips it out a little too fast, chafes against his teeth, _ah, hurts_ , squints at the thing in the faint moonlight. It's all there; name, social security, blood type. Makes him cry again. "Thought I'd never see this again," he rasps, means, _you._ Tugs at it, Zack letting out a surprised noise as his head is dragged closer. He flicks his eyes all over that non-familar familiar face, the long lashes, the crooked nose, the scar in the corner. Wants to remember forever, never forget again. Fears that he will.

"Forehead's still too big," ah, no good, voice still grating. Clears his throat, "Must be because of that giant ego of yours. Think you're so cool and now your brain's doubled in size." Smirk. "Shame the same can't be said for your wit."

Sharp inhale, eyes unblinking—Zack's just staring at him, barely any space between their faces. Then he laughs, belly-deep, lets his head fall down on Cloud's shoulder. "Ah, there he is. My little sunny-day cloud," he says, or tries to, anyway, words only discernible because Cloud knows him so well—

knows him, he _knows_ him, knows the tremors shaking Zack's whole body, the warm breath hitting the little exposed part of his own shoulder where his shirt has slipped down. Hair tickling the side of his throat, soft against the skin. It's so familiar, rehappening of a thousand identical instances. 

And Cloud knows them.

He lets his head rest on top of Zack's, nose buried in the black tresses. Lets himself be daring, leaves a kiss in the unruly crow's nest, Zack's arms around him a sweet reward.

Love, tangible. Just for a moment.

Zack's shuffling against him, nosing at his neck. Next words a soft whisper, careful. Trying not to disrupt the calm atmosphere yet still failing.

So familiar.

"Aerith's power can only do so much, you know. She says hello, by the way." 

Oh, Aerith. Sweet, gentle Aerith. Got her killed, too. At least she's kind enough not to haunt him for it, even if he deserves it. 

"Ah, ah, ah, bad Cloud! No self-blaming while I'm around!" Tickles his side. Immediately finds all the right spots, the ones that instantly set Cloud off; laughter bubbles out of him, caught in the rumpled sheets below. He feels Zack's satisfied grin against his throat, idiot sees it as a win. 

Always saw it as a win, whenever he made Cloud laugh.

Used to do it a lot to soften the blows, though. 

_I'm sorry, babe, so sorry, you—you didn't make it. But there's always the next time! Don't you worry, we'll make you a SOLDIER yet._

Zack's looking at him like that, now, like back then, somber, and so, so sorry. Makes fear seize his heart, no, no, don't say it, don't say anything—

"Don't think I'll be able to see you again anytime soon, Cloudy." 

_No._

Even if they're just hallucinations, even if he pretends he wants them gone (pretends that he's able to move on, not stuck in the past—it makes the others smile, Tifa always looking so damn _proud_ , so he can't stop, has to endure, but), he can't, he _can't._

"Yeah, you can. You know you can." 

That's not true.

"Is so, Fluffy."

_Don't call me that._

(You can, as long as you don't leave.) 

"One day we'll be together again, Cloudy, but you gotta stay strong until then. Gotta enjoy life, you know? There's still people out there who love you, there's so _many_ , and you don't even realize it. But that's my shy little Chocobo-head, huh?" Pokes his cheek, smile so lovely. "Always the humble one. You think so little of yourself that you don't even notice the people that think the world of you."

Don't be stupid. He's not humble, he's realistic. Zack doesn't have to lie to him just so he won't cry again. 

"But I'll always be number one, yeah? First in line of the Cloud Strife Fanclub. Even got my Premium Membership right here." Taps his chest, right over the heart. Ever the sap. Cloud's lower lip starts to wobble, has to sink his teeth in so he won't start bawling, wants to smile for Zack, wants to give him the world. 

Hands on both his cheeks, make Cloud look directly into Zack's eyes. Face perfectly framed, held still, he can do nothing but look at Zack's suddenly serious face.

"One last thing, though: Aerith says you should try out the new bikini line. Since she can't." Laughter, again, and his grin is so wide, the glint in his eyes knowing, but no, no, Aerith wouldn't, she wouldn't dare—would she? Gods, no, he's an idiot, of course she would, she's Aerith, she would never let that go, wouldn't let him forget, not even in death—

Kiss against his lips, coated in happiness. Tastes so sweet. Such a gentle touch; hello, goodbye, I'll always love you, see you soon—

Sunlight on his eyelids, mother nature's soft caress. Pinches his eyes together, blinks awake. Looks out the open window, sunrise panorama. Curtains swinging in a gentle breeze, ghost-white, rebirth-imitation. 

His arm is stretched out above his head, fingertips reaching past the pillow—an uncomfortable angle. Hand is in a fist—fisted around something. _Huh._ Rectangular thing, heated by his palm, digging into the heel of his hand. Draws his arm closer, doesn't bother sitting up. A chain, hits him in one eye, has to blink the pain away. Old and a little rusty, metal-feel. Familiar silver color. 

Blood suddenly ice in his veins, realization hitting him harder than desperation ever could.

Stainless steel, four lines.

Supposed to be forever lost on that damned cliff three years ago. 

FAIR  
ZACHARY  
358-77-4219  
O POS

**Author's Note:**

> will cloud finally be able to move on after that?  
> absolutely not, but zack tried


End file.
